When Discomfort Speaks: The Power of Boundaries
EDUCATIONSTORYTELLING
7/14/20262 min read
There are moments in teaching that stay with us long after the lesson ends. Recently, I had the pleasure of teaching a wonderful group of young students about creative writing. While I always hope to inspire my students, I sometimes leave the classroom feeling that I am the one who has learned the most.
Every class becomes a space where stories, questions, and courageous conversations naturally emerge. This time, one discussion unfolded into a topic far beyond writing, it became a conversation about personal boundaries, physical touch, and self-trust.
One student shared that she felt uncomfortable when classmates casually touched her, even if it was something as seemingly harmless as a light touch on the shoulder with no intention of invading her personal space. As she spoke, she asked a question that many people, especially women and girls, have asked themselves: "Am I overreacting?"
Her question struck me deeply. Without hesitation, I told her: No. You are not overreacting.
Discomfort Is Information
Discomfort does not need permission from anyone else to be valid. It is information. It is our body communicating with us. If a touch feels uncomfortable, then that feeling deserves to be respected, by ourselves and by others.
No one else gets to decide where your boundaries begin or end. Only you do.
That conversation opened the door to a thoughtful exchange among the entire group. One of the greatest gifts of teaching such a diverse classroom is learning from students who come from many different countries, cultures, and lived experiences. Together, we reflected on how ideas of personal space and physical touch vary greatly across cultures. What feels natural or friendly to one person may feel intrusive to another.
Most importantly, we acknowledged that good intentions do not erase someone else's discomfort.
Someone can unintentionally cross a boundary. And someone else can lovingly communicate that boundary. Both truths can exist at the same time.
Throughout our discussion, I found myself repeating one message again and again: Discomfort is never an overreaction. It is your boundary asking to be heard.
When Your Body Speaks, Listen
The healthiest response is not to ignore that feeling or question it, but to communicate it clearly and respectfully.
As educators, parents, friends....we have an opportunity to create spaces where people feel safe expressing their boundaries without fear of being dismissed, judged, or told they are "too sensitive."
Because boundaries are deeply personal. They are not universal. They should not be determined by culture, gender, age, or social expectations. They are defined by each individual.
The Courage to Say, "This Doesn't Feel Right"
The more permission we give ourselves to honour our own boundaries, the more naturally we learn to respect the boundaries of others. In doing so, we create relationships built on trust rather than assumption, and communities rooted in empathy rather than expectation.
This small classroom moment also reminded me of my own journey.
It took me many years to learn what boundaries truly were. In fact, when I was the age of my students, I didn't even have the word boundaries in my vocabulary. Like many women, I learned slowly, through discomfort, healing, reflections, and that my feelings were valid and that I had the right to protect my own space.
Perhaps that is why this conversation felt so meaningful. It reminded me how important it is to keep having these discussions with girls and women of every age.
Not because we want to teach fear. But because we want to teach trust. Trust in our own feelings. Trust in our own voices. Trust that "no" is a complete sentence.
And perhaps, one conversation at a time, we can help create not only safer classrooms, but a safer, more compassionate world.