The Questions That Shape a Woman’s Life

How do we learn to stand up for ourselves? How do we gain clarity about what is acceptable, and what is not?

These are not abstract questions. For women and girls, they are deeply emotional, and existential. They surface at pivotal moments: when we set boundaries, when we ask for what we deserve, when we refuse to shrink ourselves for the comfort of others.

I have faced these questions many times throughout my life. They almost always appeared when I had to draw limits or articulate my needs, in personal and professional spaces, where asking for a raise, setting a minimum standard for payment, or naming my value felt both necessary and terrifying.

Self-Worth as a Human Right

The dignity, fair pay, rest, and self-expression of women and girls are not privileges to be earned, they are human rights. Yet many of us are taught to doubt our worth.

Our self-worth is tested during life’s hardest moments: when people we love leave our lives, when we lose jobs or financial stability, when families fracture, when we face grief, uncertainty, or existential fear.

But it is tested most profoundly in decision-making. Every day, we take small actions that either confirm or erode how we value ourselves.

The Workplace: Where Self-Worth Is Often Negotiated

Asking for a raise, setting a minimum rate for our labor, naming our skills openly, without apology or diminishment, can feel daunting. I, too, was guilty of shrinking in these moments, letting hesitation and self-doubt speak louder than my worth. But each time we step into that discomfort, we practice claiming the value that is already ours.

These acts may feel uncomfortable, because they challenge deeply ingrained expectations: that women should be grateful for opportunity, humble about their achievements, and silent about their needs.

Yet when a woman consciously defines what she will accept, she is doing more than advocating for herself. She is reshaping the culture around her, setting invisible standards that ripple beyond her own experience. She creates a blueprint for others, daughters, colleagues, friends, showing that boundaries are not only permissible, but necessary.

By claiming her value, she quietly rewrites the rules of engagement, signaling that respect, fair compensation, and recognition are not negotiable, they are the baseline.

Small Acts, Radical Impact

Reclaiming self-worth does not always begin with grand gestures. Often, it starts quietly, in the small acts that honor our needs and acknowledge our value.

In my own personal journey, it began with giving myself permission to ask for raise, to establish a minimum standard for fair compensation, to rest during the day when my body was exhausted, or to take a nap without guilt. It meant investing in a spiritual coach or wise mentor to help replenish my energy when I felt drained, allowing myself a warm bath in the midst of a busy week, or watching my favorite sitcom as a small reward after an intense day. Sometimes, it was as simple as buying a new pair of clothes just because I deserved to feel good.

These small, intentional acts quietly expand the internal space where self-worth lives. They send a message first and foremost to ourselves: that our time, our energy, and our needs matter, and that honoring them is not indulgence, it is necessary.

Valuing Ourselves to Truly Value Others

We cannot genuinely value others if we do not value ourselves. One does not exist without the other. By learning to honor our time, our energy, our labor, and our inner world, we cultivate the capacity to respect those same qualities in others—without resentment, without self-abandonment.

Of course, our needs are individual, shaped by our circumstances, culture, and stage of life. The needs I had as teenage girl living through war, such as a warm meal or safety, are profoundly different from the needs I have now, as a middle-aged woman living in a peaceful country.

And yet, those early experiences taught me a valuable lesson: the care I could not give myself then becomes the care I now choose to provide for myself, and symbolically, for that younger version of me.

By honoring our own needs today, we create a space of empathy, respect, and understanding that allows us to truly value others.