Sitting With Sadness: Parenting a Child Through Change

Yesterday, my son returned home after spending the weekend with his father and friends in the neighboring country where they live. What should have been a simple return carried a quiet heaviness with it.

He was saddened by leaving his friends and his father behind. For most of the evening, he was unusually quiet, withdrawn, speaking only when necessary. At one point, he shared something that stayed with me deeply.

He said he wanted to play video games because it helped him feel distracted from what is happening in his reality. He didn’t want to think or feel what was unfolding in his life at the moment.

Hearing this made my heart ache. I felt how much I wished for him to feel at home in his present reality, to feel safe, grounded, and happy where he is now. And I could also sense something else: that happiness is not always accessible when so many changes are happening at once.

Children, Change, and the Weight They Carry

My son has been through many transitions in a short period of time. Moving countries. Leaving behind an old life. Learning how to build a new one. And now, we are preparing to move again, to a new home, another shift.

While children are often incredibly adaptable, they are also deeply sensitive. They seek connection, familiarity, and a sense of stability. When those grounds are constantly moving, it can feel unsettling, especially for a 12-year-old who is still learning how to name and hold complex emotions.

I feel that my son has been struggling with this for a while now. So many changes, layered one on top of another. It is a lot for anyone, let alone a child.

As I processed my own feelings about escapism, about our very human desire to look away from pain, I began gently reminding my son that feelings like sadness, grief, and longing are not problems to be fixed. They are part of life.

I told him that I want to be there for him. That I am willing to sit with him in those feelings. Not to rush them away. Not to replace them with something brighter or easier.

In that moment, I could feel something softly begin to shift.

Creating a Safe Space for All Feelings

I was reminded how important it is to keep reaffirming to children that all feelings are welcome. That emotions don’t need to be justified, explained away, or transformed into something more comfortable.

Creating a safe space where children can sit with their emotions, without pressure to change them, is essential. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. And very painful. But constantly distracting ourselves from difficult feelings does not make them disappear. They simply wait, stored somewhere within us, asking to be felt.

I spoke to my son about sadness being a natural part of life. About how trying to escape it often brings it back in other forms. About how emotions need space, not avoidance.

Holding Empathy, Letting Go of Guilt

I feel deep empathy for my son, and for all children who carry the weight of big life changes quietly inside them.

I also acknowledge my own guilt. Many of the decisions I made as a parent led to these changes in his life. That guilt has lived with me for a long time. And yet, I also see another truth: these experiences, as challenging as they are, are shaping resilience, adaptability, and a deeper understanding that life itself is a river of change.

Still, honoring resilience does not mean bypassing emotional processing. Both can exist together.

Yes, I am concerned about video games as a form of emotional escape. But I do not want to ban them outright. I don’t believe that prohibition alone creates emotional safety.

What I want instead is balance. A bridge between worlds. A home where my son can move freely between play and presence, where he can express his feelings without being rushed to change them into something more acceptable.

Sometimes, love looks like simply staying. Sitting together in the discomfort. Trusting that being seen is already a form of relief.